A curious girl, a wanderer

Hoy he querido escribir en español porque creo que las palabras salen más naturalmente. Es domingo por la noche, y me la he pasado todo el fin de semana sola. Por lo general no tengo problema con pasar el rato con mi propia compañía. A decir verdad, me gusta. Me gusta muchísimo porque es como si me estuviera dando tiempo de calidad a mí misma.

Antes de tomar alguna decisión respecto a mi día, pienso en mí y me imagino que sea lo que sea que haga o coma, tiene que ser algo que me haga sentir bien. Cada acción que tomo la hago por y para mí, y con nada más que mucho amor.

Sin embargo, este fin de semana fue un poco diferente. Me he sentido un tanto sola. Un poco callada. Un poco silenciosa. Totalmente lo opuesto a cómo soy yo generalmente -alegre, entusiasta, platicadora-

Este fin de semana he sentido nostalgia.

Me he encontrado pensando y soñando. Suspirando también.

Parece que entre más trato de explayarme, es como si mis palabras fueran desapareciendo una a una. No las encuentro. No sé cómo explicar mi sentir. Realmente es una mezcla entre soledad, nostalgia, tal vez un poco de tristeza.

I wanted to post these two different videos that show a small part about my journey in North Carolina and in Paris. You can clearly see the different lifestyles and moods. For example, Raleigh was surrounded by trees and nature, and most of my free time was spent exploring the lakes, biking, hammocking or simply going on walks. On the other hand though, you can perfectly see that Paris has a very different vibe. It has indeed beautiful architecture, very interesting art and history, amazing food, among other wonderful things. Now, you can also notice the way I have changed and how different I look when I was in Raleigh vs now being in Paris.

I also noticed, but maybe it’s just my idea, that I’m smiling way more in the pictures and videos I have from North Carolina. It’s an interesting observation, and I am like «Why?» The only thing that can come to my mind is that I was feeling way more free and at «peace» surrounded by nature and all this lovely places where I could just feel alive. From mountains and lakes, to camping trips and beachy summer days. The vibe was absolutely different. Can you see?

However, I’m not saying that Paris is not a place where I could feel free and at «peace». I guess it’s just such a big city, that it’s almost impossible to get into the lifestyle that I had in NC. My daily routine is completely different here. First of all, I don’t have a car. For instance, I have to take metro and do long distances from one place to another. It’s almost impossible to go in 10-15 min to one single place. Second, the lifestyle here asks more for nice dinners at restaurants, cozy afternoons/evening spent a a lovely café, a Sunday visiting one of the dozens of important museums. Even the dressing part is different! Can you tell how I used to dress like in Raleigh? I got such in a comfort type of look that you could almost find me wearing shorts, sneakers and long loose shirts. Very American, of course. And Paris is completely the opposite! I wouldn’t fit in I was wearing leggings and sneakers all the time. Right? Maybe people would observe me and look at me as I was a stranger.

Anyway, these two videos show the same Diana, but in different situations. Diana surrounded by nature. Diana feeling free and breathing fresh air up in the mountains, vs Diana exploring beautiful and perfect streets in Paris. Diana exploring museums. Diana living in one of the most romantic cities in the world. And yet, I’m alone.

Touché! I guess I nailed it. I’ve felt very lonely while I have been here. I’ve been wandering around, spending must of my weekends alone.

I went swimming this morning for two main reasons. First of all, I wanted to exercise, for obvious reasons, but also I wanted to decompress and escape a little bit from my usual morning routine.

The water was fresh. I would even dare to say it was cold. Not that enjoyable at the beginning, but still nice to swim in.

And while I was swimming back and forth, I couldn’t help but relax and get lost in my thoughts.

The first thing that came to my mind was some sort of curiosity about who’s going to be the person I will spend the rest of my life with. It may seem like a very deep thought. Or maybe it is, indeed, but it doesn’t hurt to think about it. At the end, it’s mainly a thought.

For instance, a couple of questions came to my mind:

Who are you? How do you look like? What color are your eyes? How do you look at me? How are we going to spend our evenings together? What sort of activities would be do?

I felt like a dreamer. Swimming, thinking. Such a hopeless romantic, maybe. Yeah, I think you can call me a dreamer. Now I’m just wandering if someone is thinking exactly the same thing. If that someone wonders the same thing. How am I, how do I look, how are we going to meet, and so on.

I wonder if someone actually dreams about finding someone like me.

I also must say that this beautiful café has a piano upstairs. They let visitors play it, so when I was there, there was this hippieish lady who was playing it very delicately and singing French songs. Beautiful to hear, and an inspiration as well. Then I told myself that a challenge for myself is to go back, sit down, and play Comptine d’un autre été de l’après midi. My favorite.

Irlandaaaaa, lalala, mi amor, me rebotaste el corazón!

Tus paisajes, los más lindos, los mas verdes, los mas infinitos.

Uffffffff, pero qué sueño tan bonito el verte de frente.

Me has quitado el aliento.

Me pierdo en tu azul. Me pierdo entre las mis tonalidades que mezclan el océano con el cielo. Me encantaste. Fue amor a primera vista.

Irlanda, te extraño.

Irlanda, per qué bonito haberte conocido!

Prometo regresar a ti y conocerte.

Quiero explorarte, quiero tomarte fotos, respirarte, y soñarte una vez más.

Perderme en tus paisajes bellos, entre tus castillos y tradiciones.

Perderme entre el verde y el azul, que siempre han sido mis favoritos.

Omg, it literally has been such a long a time since I haven’t felt like this! Today I just felt so tiny, so vulnerable, so fragile, so lonely…

Omg, it literally has been such a long a time since I haven’t felt like this! Today I just felt so tiny, so vulnerable, so fragile, so lonely…

I think I’ve fallen in love.

Wait, whaaaat?

But I will confirm it tomorrow and will come back to write more about it. Promise!